There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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