Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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