He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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