girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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