oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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