I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
