i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
