you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize