So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He kissed a someone with a penis
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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