Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
