new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
