Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize