If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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