I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
