What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
