Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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