i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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