I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
