I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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