HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
