If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
