my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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