stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
