Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
