Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
