Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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