there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
