When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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