i permit you to call me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
