He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He did a backflip because drugs
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