the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
