If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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