with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
