I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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