Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
