Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
