If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
