I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
