My cat gives me a boner
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
