why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
