The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
