Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
