my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize