Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
