i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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