I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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