And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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