I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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