I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize