We won't sleep together?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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