hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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