why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
