he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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