you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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