if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want to be your penis for a week.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
