This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My breath smells like gin and sadness
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
