Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Randomize
