just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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