I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
