They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
