i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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