Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
