apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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