Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
