The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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