My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
