New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
