and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize