Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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