dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
