Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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